Saving this to reference in a future pice about soulwork. Your references to the inherent economic value of household labor is SO IMPORTANT. ESP when we add the nuance of who was doing whose housework across time.
This is a FANTASTIC coinage that absolutely nails the problem, and highlights the exploitative aspect of it. If a few women are gold-diggers (and are excoriated for it), many many many men are labor-diggers, and rarely get called out on it. Time we ALL start calling them out!
I was married for 20 years to a labor-digger. I wish I had had the phrase, because I know it would have helped me clarify and understand my problem. Once divorced, my life IMMEDIATELY got better, easier, with better financial outcomes and control of my own money, and my household almost miraculously became clean, organized, peaceful, and happy. It was like, getting rid of the Extra Large Demanding Child I had to deal with, just freed up so much of my time and mental energy. Women should not be afraid of single motherhood. We got this.
The Labor Digging was not why I divorced him---he was a serial cheater---but these things tend to go together as manifestations of a lack of respect.
Thank you so much for creating this powerful phrase!
So tired of doing it all. I’ve added “pack mule”’to the description as mothers are responsible for procuring, packing, and hauling all the “stuff” needed for the family. It’s exhausting!
Your experience, AnonC, seems similar to mine. I hope to be where youve gone and hoping for a similarly peaceful outcome. Thank your for sharing -this truly gives me hope!
I love this term!! I too found my workload easier when I asked my husband to leave. One less child to care for physically and reduction of emotional labour in relationships with in laws.
“Labor diggers are not anomalies- they are products of a system that socializes men to view women’s labor as a resource to freely extract at their convenience.” - I recently had to tell my ex (and co-parent) ‘if you must regard me as a resource, please think of me less as a clean-renewable and more as a fossil fuel; dangerously limited.’
"Passive resistance" is such a perfect term for how most men that I see extract this labor. Men don't usually need to resort to violence to get free labor because they know if they just leave that task long enough, someone who cares (i.e. his "partner") will finally give up and do it. Thanks for putting this in words.
It also shows how illogical male thinking actually is. The same man that prides himself on being the family provider who goes out to work while the woman stays at home with the kids will then call her a gold-digger when they separate and she rightly thinks she deserves access to his finances because she gave up working for years!
I would propose adding "sex worker" to the list of duties expected by men in cis het relationships... The entitlement to women's bodies is very real.
I was just looking for a post from you explaining this!
Saving this to reference in a future pice about soulwork. Your references to the inherent economic value of household labor is SO IMPORTANT. ESP when we add the nuance of who was doing whose housework across time.
This is a FANTASTIC coinage that absolutely nails the problem, and highlights the exploitative aspect of it. If a few women are gold-diggers (and are excoriated for it), many many many men are labor-diggers, and rarely get called out on it. Time we ALL start calling them out!
I was married for 20 years to a labor-digger. I wish I had had the phrase, because I know it would have helped me clarify and understand my problem. Once divorced, my life IMMEDIATELY got better, easier, with better financial outcomes and control of my own money, and my household almost miraculously became clean, organized, peaceful, and happy. It was like, getting rid of the Extra Large Demanding Child I had to deal with, just freed up so much of my time and mental energy. Women should not be afraid of single motherhood. We got this.
The Labor Digging was not why I divorced him---he was a serial cheater---but these things tend to go together as manifestations of a lack of respect.
Thank you so much for creating this powerful phrase!
This piece is rich!! I am
So tired of doing it all. I’ve added “pack mule”’to the description as mothers are responsible for procuring, packing, and hauling all the “stuff” needed for the family. It’s exhausting!
Your experience, AnonC, seems similar to mine. I hope to be where youve gone and hoping for a similarly peaceful outcome. Thank your for sharing -this truly gives me hope!
This is a whole WORD!!
I'm floored. This is brilliant.
I love this term!! I too found my workload easier when I asked my husband to leave. One less child to care for physically and reduction of emotional labour in relationships with in laws.
Excellent work!! Thank you
Hell yes
I am 10000% using that term in the future (and giving proper credit of course). Props for calling out every single detail of this epidemic.
I appreciate you coming up with this term.
I remember reading about the second shift decades ago and thinking to myself that’s not the kind of relationship that I wanted.
And yet I ended up with somebody who was essentially a labor digger.
THIS IS BRILLIANT! I’ve left so many men like this. The perfect name for this phenomenon, thank you!
“Labor diggers are not anomalies- they are products of a system that socializes men to view women’s labor as a resource to freely extract at their convenience.” - I recently had to tell my ex (and co-parent) ‘if you must regard me as a resource, please think of me less as a clean-renewable and more as a fossil fuel; dangerously limited.’
"Passive resistance" is such a perfect term for how most men that I see extract this labor. Men don't usually need to resort to violence to get free labor because they know if they just leave that task long enough, someone who cares (i.e. his "partner") will finally give up and do it. Thanks for putting this in words.
This is so 💯🎯brilliant.
It also shows how illogical male thinking actually is. The same man that prides himself on being the family provider who goes out to work while the woman stays at home with the kids will then call her a gold-digger when they separate and she rightly thinks she deserves access to his finances because she gave up working for years!